


A Night of Christmas Conspiracies

by UrsulaAngstrom



Category: Wild Wild West (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 04:51:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2838650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UrsulaAngstrom/pseuds/UrsulaAngstrom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Artemus is romantically involved with a woman and not exclusive with Jim.  Jim is jealous.<br/>I shared this on another Wild Wild West group under the writing alias Penthesilea over ten years ago. This version has been revised. Enjoy!  Happy Holidays, Ursula.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Night of Christmas Conspiracies

A Night of Christmas Conspiracies

by Penthesilea

"Artemus! Thank God you're still here. I desperately need your help," Nadine implored breathlessly.

Nadine's Christmas party was in full swing. The antebellum mansion was a hive of festive activity. Artemus had just stepped off the dance floor in the ballroom. He was heading for the bar for libation when their pretty blonde hostess rushed up to him frantic with worry.

Artemus gallantly accompanied her when Nadine latched onto his arm like it was a lifeline and begged him to accompany her to the kitchen. The only people in the kitchen were the catering staff. They were milling around like ants as they fetched more food and drinks for Nadine's voracious guests. 

Determined to keep her entertainment a surprise, Nadine tugged Artemus into the pantry just in case a guest happened to wander in looking for something they could not find on the buffet tables or at the bar. The caterer's staff gave the hostess curious looks as they noticed her scurrying past with a distinguished man in tow. When prurient eyes followed them with such unabashed curiosity, Nadine felt compelled to glower at the gawkers and say, "Now you hush about this. This is just a Christmas conspiracy. Go on about your business. You'll find out what the mischief is soon enough."

"Yes'm," one of the inquisitive waiters mumbled as he bobbed his head deferentially. Jasper didn't stop watching them though. Neither did the others, Nadine noticed.

"Land sakes," Nadine gushed when they were finally behind the closed door of the pantry. "I'm not THAT brazen. There's not enough room in this pantry to make love properly. If you tried to take me we'd both be knocked unconscious by all the stuff on these shelves. We'd start an avalanche."

"You're adorable when you're flustered," Artemus murmured; laughing as he pulled the dainty little blonde into his arms. 

Calming her with a slow, tantalizing kiss Artemus beguiled Nadine with his sensual tongue until she was breathless. Then he held her close and caressed her reassuringly until she calmed down with a dreamy sigh. Comforted by Gordon's solid strength and majestic presence, Nadine wrapped her arms around his waist and gratefully savored the brief interlude of serenity in his arms.

Smiling up at him adoringly, Nadine threw her arms around his neck, stood on her tip-toes, and gave him a kiss sweet with promises. 

"And YOU sir, are a refuge in a sea of troubles. I always feel like I've discovered an oasis when I'm safe in your arms."

"I'm glad," Gordon purred, smiling down at her with inimitable charm.  
"Now what can I do to help you?" Artemus asked, playfully kissing the tip of her nose.

Nadine tensed again just thinking about her predicament. "The performer I hired to play Santa slipped on the ice and broke his hand. The costume is upstairs waiting to be worn. I know you came here to party not work, but I would be ever so grateful if you'd agree to play Santa for us tonight."

"How grateful?" Artemus teased as he cuddled the lovely Southern belle with a sly, flirtatious smile on his face.

Nadine giggled coquettishly, tangling her fingers languidly in Artie's thick black hair as she gave him a long, steamy kiss he thoroughly enjoyed.

"I'll give you anything your lusty cock desires if you'll do me this favor," Nadine promised.

"Anything?"

"Anything at all," Nadine assured him with another provocative kiss. "I promise on my honor as a Virginian that I will make your naughtiest Christmas wish come true and true and true," Nadine drawled, punctuating her promise with kisses.

This particular Virginian was no virgin, so Artemus knew Nadine would keep her provocative promise.

"How could I possibly refuse?" Artemus replied. 

Nadine squealed with girlish delight. Hugging him repeatedly, Nadine inundated Artemus with a flurry of fervent grateful kisses.

"Wonderful! Oh…You… sweet… generous…beautiful…man," Nadine exclaimed between kisses. "I adore you. You're a godsend."

Grabbing his hand while he was still chuckling, Nadine yanked Artemus out of the closet with surprising strength. Artemus lurched forward and stumbled comically as they suddenly emerged from their hiding place in the pantry. The startled servants who saw them burst out of the closet laughed as little Nadine dragged the burly man after her like a tugboat pulling a freighter into a harbor.

Miss Nadine dashed to the servant's stairs and the laughing man followed her. Their feet thundered up the wooden steps as they disappeared into the labyrinthine maze of staircases that burrowed through the sprawling mansion like a rabbit warren.

As soon as they were behind the closed doors of her bedroom, Nadine locked the door and exuberantly threw herself into Gordon's arms. She had to kiss him again! Artemus had the most luscious lips… When he pulled her close and kissed her passionately, Nadine thought she was going to melt.

"How can you do THAT?" Nadine marveled when Artemus finally released her from the steamy kiss.

"Do what?" Artemus asked; feigning innocence.

"Make my heart race, calm me down, melt my bones, and make me giddy at the same time."

Nadine was a buxom young woman with a curvaceous figure. Artemus pulled her close so he could savor how her breasts mashed against his broad chest.

Artemus knew how to make women squirm deliciously when they were wearing skin-tight corsets. He plucked her stays like they were the strings of a guitar. Nadine wriggled and moaned in his arms voluptuously as goosebumps raced through her body. 

Shivering with delight, Nadine pulled away with a breathless gasp, eyes wide as Gordon chuckled unrepentantly.

Playfully slapping the dense solidity of his bullish chest, Nadine said, "Quit that! You know it drives me crazy when you do that. It makes my whole body tingle."

Scolding Gordon with a passionate kiss, Nadine said "You play my body like a harp, you naughty angel."

Artemus kept playing. The way he touched her and kissed her made Nadine smolder.

"Artemus, don't! Please! This is scandalous! My guests are downstairs!"

"So? Your guests are swarming all over this house trysting in every bedroom up here. You heard them before we dashed in here."

"Listen," Artemus whispered, before he quickly shushed her with a kiss.

The cavorting couple in the room next door were making a lascivious racket. Nadine blushed and squirmed as Artemus tenderly kissed the fulsome swells of her heaving bosoms. Then he cupped and squeezed her butt through her fancy party dress as he lifted her onto her tip-toes again.

"Why should they have all the fun?" Artemus coerced. "Pleasure before work will make work seem like play."

"You are FAR too articulate for my safety," Nadine sassed. Nadine felt like putty in Gordon's hands as he languidly kissed her neck while he moved behind her so he could seductively unbutton her dress. She was lost as soon as he started kissing the exposed skin of her back. Nadine felt like she was melting again as the buttons yielded one-by-one to his warm, nimble fingers.

"Devil!" Nadine gasped when he gently nipped her shoulder. His tender hands were so appreciative as he slowly peeled her poinsettia-colored party dress away from her jutting breasts.

Nadine was breathing so hard she thought her breasts were going to leap out of her red lace corset. His lips on her neck made her wild with passion.

It was wicked to hide upstairs and make love while her guests roamed around downstairs like sheep without a shepherdess. The longer she was gone the more likely it was that someone would notice that she was missing. Every time she imagined her guests whispering, "Where's Nadine?" it made her feel like she was being such a naughty girl. But Artemus made her feel so good; Nadine didn't care.

Once Artemus started tantalizing her with those strong gentle hands, all Nadine wanted was MORE. Artemus always made her feel so proud and so pretty. 

"Turn around and let me look at you," Artemus murmured, his voice curling around her like smoke wafting into the night from a chimney.

Nadine couldn't maintain eye contact for too long. It wasn't ladylike. Her inhibitions were few but her manners were impeccable. She didn't let herself drown in Gordon’s chocolate brown eyes until Artemus gently lifted her chin and said, "You are the loveliest woman in the land of Virginia."

Then he gave her a long come-hither kiss that was the undoing of both her dress and her doubts. 

"Oh, let them find me naked in your arms," Nadine gasped, as she lifted her arms to throw them around his neck again, her red party dressed fell off her hips to create a silk puddle around her feet.

"I want you naked too," Nadine insisted breathlessly as she tore Artemus out of his clothes in a passionate frenzy.

Artemus looked so handsome in his black suit with the gold and black vest. His festive silk tie made him look like he was wrapped with a gilt bow. So Nadine untied that first and said, "Just what I wanted for Christmas… Artemus Gordon unwrapped."

The sexy compliment made Artemus laugh. After he took off his jacket and tossed it towards the wing chair, he refused to help her unbutton his shirt or his vest. Smiling sweetly, he watching her trembling hands fumble with the buttons as he soothed Nadine with kisses.

Nadine was so lost in those kisses she didn't even realize that he was taking the pins out of her hair until her shiny blonde tresses started tumbling onto her shoulders.

"Artemus! Quit taking down my hair!"

"No," Artemus replied, shushing her with a kiss. She tried to slap his precocious hands away from her head, but he just laughed and grabbed her wrists and kissed her until she acquiesced. 

"You're incorrigible!" Nadine scolded when he finally released her from the laughing kiss.

Any other man she would have slapped. Artemus wasn't mocking her with that naughty laughter though; he was savoring her distress as only a true hedonist could.

"I'll fix it when we're done," Artemus promised.

"But it won't look the same. My hair will look different and everyone will know what I've been doing up here."

"Not if you change your dress."

The sly smile on Gordon's face was pure mischief. The handsome devil had her in his power long before he took the last pin out of her hair. Nadine was his and his alone as soon as Artemus kissed her senseless and pushed her backwards onto the bed.

The man's passion was inexorable. Nadine succumbed with a plaintive whimper. 

His kisses made her so crazy with need, she started tugging open the front laces of her corset before Artemus even unbuckled his belt.

Between kisses as they finished undressing, Artemus told her the rest of his deviously clever plan.

"If you change your dress… you can change your hairstyle with impunity… Just say you spilled something on the red one… and change into another frock…" Artemus explained between kisses.

"My green one. I'll wear the green one… It's velvet… You'll love it…"

"I'm sure I will," Artemus purred appreciatively as he admired Nadine's naked willing body as she offered herself to him so wantonly.

Boots and clothes on the floor, Artemus was as naked as she was. Naked and very aroused.

Nadine couldn't wait to feel him thrusting inside her, so she captured his cock in her right hand and grabbed his hair with her left. That way she could guide him into her as she kissed him with undeniable yearning.

He came to see her every time he was in Washington. But that was not often enough. Not often enough at ALL when his cock filled her so completely.

Dreading the inevitable moment when he would leave her again, Nadine clung to him tenaciously and made him crave her while she could. Because she always felt so bereft when he was gone…

*****

They're making love in the bedroom above the foyer, Jim West deduced with a sly smirk. As soon as he saw the prisms on the chandelier vibrating and glinting, he knew where Artemus had gone.

Artie and Nadine were missing, but Gordon's horse was still in the stable. Artie could vanish into thin air whenever he wanted to. All he had to do was change into a disguise.

A nosy dame named Agatha was surreptitiously organizing a search party.  
Meanwhile, Artie was upstairs pounding into Nadine so hard and fast the vibrations thrummed through the bed and caused a sex quake that was rattling the chandelier near the entrance.

Jim had seen the effect Artie's cock had on women, beds, rafters and floorboards. He knew the signs when he saw them. As soon as Jim noticed the rainbows glinting on the walls like leprechaun shadows he knew exactly where Artie was and what he was doing. Artemus Gordon was making sure he stayed on Santa's Naughty List tonight... 

*****

 

The fire began as soon as his cock entered her body. Every time Artemus thrust his cock into her with voluptuous sensuality, he stoked the embers of desire until they became crackling flames inside of her. When his cock caught fire like a piece of burning kindling too, there was no stopping the carnal conflagration Artemus ignited with his passion.

It spread through her body like her veins were full of molten lava. Nadine felt like she was on fire; a fire that spread into her womb until she was aflame with desire.

Once that fire was ignited, only Artemus could put it out. Every kiss scorched her mind; every thrust singed her womb. His cock seared her like a branding iron. No one claimed her as fervently as Artemus did. The sensations he created inside her made Nadine sizzle and writhe.

Orgasm was inevitable. Artemus knew how to tease and he knew how to please. Nadine came in an exhilarating whoosh! Heat flashed inside of her like a tree going up in flames. The incredible sensation kept repeating again and again and again like she was having a carnal seizure.

*****

Jim was very glad that they were not Secret Service agents on assignment in the Swiss Alps. Nadine yowled so ecstatically when she came, the sound could have started an avalanche if the mansion was near snow- capped mountains. 

The sound of Artie's deep groans, and their sighs of satisfaction, made Jim hard and envious. He waited until they were done before he discreetly knocked on the door. But he didn't wait for long. Discretion WAS the better part of valor, but Jim was feeling too jealous to be care about being valiant at the moment. So he used the lock pick hidden under the lapel of his jacket to open the locked door of Nadine’s bedroom. Knocking was just a ruse to disguise what he was really doing.

Jim should have felt like a cad when he heard Nadine gasp, "Jim!" but he didn't. Worried and resentful about Artie's involvement with Nadine, Jim didn't feel one bit guilty about scaring the daylights out of the pretty blonde. His loyalty was to Artemus, not Nadine. With a feral grin on his face, Jim lowered his voice and said, "You better hurry up. Agatha's rounding up a posse."

"Damn!" Nadine swore, breathless with excitement.

"Tell them we're plotting some Christmas mischief," Artemus replied, his voice carrying across the room regally as if he was on stage. "That will satisfy their curiosity and heighten the suspense."

"I'll tell them you're up here doing rehearsals," Jim sassed.

Artemus laughed, but Nadine was not amused. "James T. West!" Nadine scolded like a mother berating an ornery child.

Nadine got so riled when Jim laughed she forgot she was naked. Before Artie could stop her she scrambled out of the bed and ran across the room intending to slap Jim.

Jim laughed louder when Artemus said, "Nadine, you're naked!" Screeching to an abrupt halt, Nadine frantically grabbed Artie’s shirt off the floor and put it on to cover herself.

Nadine was so angry and so frustrated she grabbed Artie’s belt off the floor cracking it against the bedpost like a whip vowing, "I'm gonna thrash your snickering hide, Jim!"

"Go ahead. I like to be spanked."

Not intimidated one bit, West leered and laughed at her again. Jim’s mischievous audacity flustered Nadine. Boggled eyed and gaping Nadine relinquished the belt as soon as Artemus pressed his thumb against a spot on her wrist when he grabbed her from behind. Her entire hand went numb and her fingers opened; the belt dropped to the floor in the blink of an eye.

Irritated, because Artemus was protecting Jim, not her, Nadine glared at them both.

"Now why does that fail to surprise me?" Nadine grumbled; knowing West would have evaded her easily if Artemus hadn’t restrained and disarmed her first.

Artemus laughed until he had tears in his eyes as Jim walked out the door bedroom chuckling like a satyr in heat.

"MEN!" Nadine ranted, storming around the room grumbling, "Can't live with them. Can't live without them. Sure do wish we could shoot them though."

"You don't mean that," Artemus chortled as he intercepted her on the way to the bathroom.

"Don't bet on it," Nadine fumed. "One of these days Jim is gonna rile me and I'm going to shoot him right in the butt."

"You do and a lynch mob of angry lovelies will haul your pretty ass right out of here and string you up from the nearest tree limb."

"Fine. Then I'll shoot him in the foot."

"He'll just kick you senseless with the other one," Artemus chided her, before he placated her with a kiss.

Inhaling deeply, Nadine let the air out with another exasperated sigh. She unwrapped her arms from around Gordon's waist and wrapped them around his neck instead. Artemus loved the way her bare breasts felt against his bare chest. Nadine loved the way he caressed her long hair and admired her body.

"You tell that friend of yours that you saved his handsome hide again."

"I will," Artemus chuckled. Nadine could be nettlesome at times but she was as harmless as a tumbleweed.

Kissing him again quickly before she flounced into the bathroom to clean up, Nadine said, "All Jim's going to get from me this Christmas is a snowball with a lump of coal in it."

"Don't start a fight you can't finish, Nadine. Chuck a snowball like that at Jim and he might knock you on your keester and teach you a new way to make snow angels."

"He wouldn't dare. And you wouldn't let him."

"Yes he would--and I might--because he'd let me watch."

"Artemus Gordon!" Nadine shouted as she threw a dry wash cloth at him while she waited for the tub in the guest bath to fill with water. 

Artemus shrugged, grinned wickedly, and scooped Nadine up in his strong arms. Lifting her effortlessly as she thrashed and squealed, Artemus put her in the warm water first and followed her into the tub so they could bathe together.

Nadine’s father had spent a small fortune to install indoor plumbing capable of piping warmed water from a special tank to every bathroom on this floor. 

If orders for Artie’s newest invention kept increasing at this rate, the profits from his water heating system would make Gordon another million by June. The rich loved to spend their money on luxuries.

Any other time Nadine would have loved to spend an hour or two lounging in a hot tub of water with Artemus, but tonight was not the night. He was as playful as a gamboling lamb, but that's just how Artemus was all the time. He was a lusty Aries man who liked to romp and play--especially when the romping involved sex play.

Dissuading him was difficult--and disappointing to her too--but it was an absolute necessity. If people were already gossiping, their reputations might be well on their way to being ruined by now.

"Let them gossip," Artemus advised her when she began fretting out loud again. "People are going to think what they want to think no matter what we do, Nadine. Most humans are scurrilous. If you can't beat them, take advantage of their foibles and be a libertine."

"Is that what you do, Artemus?"

"As often as I can," Gordon quipped.

"No wonder people think you and Jim are lovers. You two are shameless!"

"Jim and I have done nothing to be ashamed of. Have you?"

"Not yet," Nadine replied with a naughty smile. "But I hope to soon. It's my New Year's resolution."

"Is it now?" Artemus laughed. "Tell me more."

"Later," Nadine insisted, shushing him with a kiss this time. "Right now we have to get out of this tub before our skin gets all wrinkly like prunes. Then we've got to get you into that Santa suit and me into my green velvet elf dress."

"Elf dress?" Artemus said as he got out of the tub first so he could help her out.

"It's not an elf-green dress, it's an emerald green dress. I'll just tell people I am Santa's elf, since I sure can't tell them that I am Mrs. Claus," Nadine sulked.

Artemus got very subdued very quickly. But he was always compassionate. Tenderly caressing Nadine's pretty face as she looked up at him with hopeful blue eyes, Artemus kissed her lips poignantly and said, "I've always been honest with you about that subject, Nadine."

"Honest but evasive," Nadine snapped. "You don't love me enough to marry me and you can't marry Jim. You're rapidly approaching the age of fifty. You have no heirs, no home, no wife, and one maiden aunt who is more promiscuous and more eccentric than you are. What kind of a life is that?"

"Mine," Artemus growled, bristling with indignation.

"I don't understand you!" Nadine said, throwing up her hands in melodramatic resignation.

"Don't try," Artemus warned her; his voice as hard as flint, his face a mask of stone. "Accept me as I am and find someone else to marry, Nadine.   
Nothing is stopping you from doing that. There are several men downstairs who would marry you if you took them seriously as suitors."

"But none of them are half as interesting as you are, Artemus."

Or as wealthy, Artemus thought, not fooled for one moment by Nadine's avaricious simpering. Nadine was a pretty little thing, but she was nothing but a fortune hunter who was desperately looking for a rich husband. God forbid that Nadine Irvington would ever have to work for a living. She'd ruin her manicure.

Gordon's inventions had made Artemus a several fortunes. He had plans for that money; and those plans did not include squandering cash on a beautiful but frivolous woman like Nadine Irvington.

"I bet you say that to all your beaus," Artemus chided her with a cynical smile on his face.

Those worldly brown eyes saw through her pretenses like she was made of glass. Unnerved, Nadine sought refuge in denial, confident that her ample charms would eventually win Artemus over if she could just figure out how to distract Jim West. Jim was very protective of Artemus, and Jim didn't like her one bit. The feeling was very mutual, but Nadine didn't know what to do about it. Jim was as menacing as a tiger and he and Artemus lived in each other's shadows. 

Interrupting them tonight while they were frolicking was typical. Jim could look as serene and as cryptic as a sphinx--and he was just as dangerous. Those unnerving blue-green eyes chilled her to the bone. Jim had a sly grin that turned her blood to red ice. West had the sexiest voice she had ever heard, but the cruel shape of his mouth frightened her as much as it aroused her. 

Nadine's imagination ran rampant with bondage and domination fantasies every time she looked at Jim West. She'd submit to him willingly if that's what it took to get her hands on Gordon's money, but West wasn't interested in her. 

Determined to be more than just a dalliance, Nadine smiled at Artemus in the mirror above the walnut vanity table as she picked up the silver-backed hairbrush and started brushing her long blonde hair. 

Distracted by the fetching sight of Nadine's naked body, Artemus put on the Santa Claus suit as he watched Nadine primp for him.

This time his smile was genuine when he said, "If I had time I'd get my paints and start a canvas called Lady Godiva In Her Boudoir."

Artemus was wearing everything but Santa's beard and Santa's hat when he walked over to caress her shimmering hair. The hungry kiss he gave her excited Nadine so much she dropped her hairbrush on his foot as she turned eagerly towards him.

"Ouch!" Artemus teased her with a naughty grin.

Nadine picked up her hairbrush and spanked him gently on the ass with it. Shaking the silver hairbrush at him, Nadine said, "Don't you start anything with me that we don't have time to finish. It's almost midnight. My guests are going to get Christmas presents at the stroke of midnight if I have to haul your sexy Jewish ass down those stairs in chains."

"I'll get the shackles," Jim West chortled, startling Nadine so badly she shrieked like it was Halloween.

Jumping up like a Jack-in-the-Box, Nadine dashed behind Artemus because he was the only thing nearby big enough to hide behind. Nadine didn't want Jim West to see her naked. Not unless it was on her terms…

"How did you get in here? That door was locked! I double-checked.” Nadine shouted in outraged indignation. 

"Lock pick," Jim murmured as he held up his metal jimmy with a wicked grin on his chiseled face.

Jim stopped laughing and his eyes narrowed to feral slits when Nadine slapped Artemus on the back because he was laughing at them.

"Don't encourage him!" Nadine scolded Artemus. "You're nothing but a sneak, Jim! Get out of this room this instant before I thrash you!"

"With a hairbrush?" Jim scoffed. "That's a girl paddle."

It gave Nadine an illicit thrill when Jim stalked towards her like a prowling jaguar. He was so handsome and sleek, her body prickled with goosebumps as she cowered behind Artemus Gordon.

"Artemus, protect me!" Nadine yelped.

Jim rolled his eyes and thought Don't flatter yourself, Nadine. Jim wasn't interested in having a menage a trois with Artie and Nadine. And it bothered him that she wanted to. Artie deserved a lover was only interested in him, not his money. Jim West was such a lover, but he could not give Artie children. Now that Artie was a legacy in the making, he was craving the children he'd been secretly coveting for years.

Jim did not approve of Nadine Irvington. He didn't think Nadine was worthy to be the mother of Artie's children. So Jim was determined to do everything he could to prevent that from happening by accident. The more time Artie and Nadine spent together the more likely it became that she would conceive. Interfering with their opportunities for intimacy had become Jim's new hobby. Tonight, for a change, that was not a chore.

"Jim's not going to hurt you, Nadine," Artemus chuckled. Smiling at his impish partner, Artemus said, "Is there a reason why you doubled back here, James?"

"I thought Nadine would want to know that the Senator just arrived."

"What Senator?" Nadine demanded peevishly.

"Senator Irvington."

"Daddy's here?" Nadine yelped.

"Uh, oh!" Artemus quipped, in a sheepish voice that made Jim laugh.

"I'll try to head him off at the pass, Artie."

"Artie, who?" Gordon sassed, grabbing the Santa beard off the dresser.   
"The name's Kris." Artie joked as he put on the beard. "Kris Kringle. Everybody knows Santa Claus. Ho! Ho! Ho!"

"Don't forget to stuff the pillow under your shirt, Santa." 

"Oh yeah!" Gordon replied adorably.

Chortling at Gordon's antics, Jim paused in threshold to devour the sight of Artie At Play. You are wondrous, Jim thought as he smiled at his partner with radiant affection.

Jim's eyes sparkled with blue-green fire as he watched Artie grab a pillow off the bed and yank it out of the pillowcase. Jim laughed raucously as Artie shoved the pillow under his Santa shirt and tucked it into his Santa pants.

"How does that look?"

Artie looked great. 

"You look like a burglar with a pillow fetish, Artie."

Nodding at the chair where the Santa hat still lay, Jim said, "The belt to hold the fake belly in place fell behind the chair, Kris."

"Ho! Ho! Ho! Clumsy reindeer!" Artie boomed.

"I need more eggnog," Jim sassed as he walked out the door again much to Nadine's relief.

"Is he gone yet?" Nadine shouted from the bathroom when she heard the bedroom door close. 

She'd dashed into bathroom in a panicked rush when Jim said her father was downstairs.

Nadine was so frazzled by the Senator's unexpected arrival, Artemus didn't have to fuss with fixing her hair in an elaborate coiffure. Nadine dressed quickly and together they put her hair up in a simple but elegant twist adorned with mother-of-pearl combs.

"You look Christmasy," Artemus assured her gallantly.

"I look frantic!" Nadine irritably disagreed.

Gently massaging her tense shoulders, Artemus said, "Your father is no fool, Nadine. You've done nothing to be ashamed of. We're both consenting adults. I'm not the first man you've dated."

"So?" Nadine growled. "That's no reason to rub his nose in the fact that I'm no virgin. He's always telling me that men don't buy the cow if they think they can get the milk for free. Every day I remain a spinster it proves that he was right."

There was no way he could win an argument like that, so Artemus didn't try. He put on the fake glasses and the Santa hat, checked his appearance in the mirror, adjusted his fake belly and followed Nadine into the hallway.

"The sacks of presents are in here," Nadine said as she opened up the vacant nursery where her sister's children stayed when they came to visit. "Grab one and come downstairs. But give me a few minutes to find Daddy and chat with him first. I'll send the servants upstairs to grab the other bags of presents. They'll put them by the tree in the solarium."

Departing frantically after she gave him a quick peck on the cheek, Nadine rushed down the stairs in her precarious heels leaving Artemus in the upstairs hall where he shushed the revelers to secrecy by tapping his lips impishly with his index finger when he winked at them.

A gaggle of giggling women staggered past him drunk on spiked punch or spiked eggnog. 

"Hi Santa!" a tipsy brunette shouted.

A buxom blonde wearing a dress with a plunging décolletage grabbed the sack of presents leaning against the wall and spilled them onto the carpet as she giddily peeked inside. "You got that husband I wanted in here, Santa?"

"He's in the sleigh," Artie quipped.

His quick wit made them laugh. So the giggling blonde gave him a Christmas kiss. "Thanks, Santa. You're swell."

Fervently hoping that Jim was not anywhere near the sleigh Nadine had rented to give people moonlight rides in the snow, Artie savored a passionate Christmas kiss from a raven-haired lass in an ice-blue dress.  
Her rum flavored tongue ravaged his mouth as she slipped her hand under his long fur-trimmed tunic so she could grope his genitals with a brazen hand.

"Nice package, Santa."

"Thanks," Artemus replied with a delighted laugh and a seductive grin.

"My address is 6325 Mayfield Lane. You can park your reindeer on my roof anytime."

"I shall," Artemus promised her in the sultry stage voice he used when he was playing Lothario.

The fetching threesome traipsed down the stairs laughing and blowing him air kisses as the black-haired wench sing-songed, "I've got a date with Santa Claus…"

"Some guys have all the luck," an ugly guy with beady eyes grumbled.

"It's the toys," Artemus replied amiably.

"Fuck you," the surly guy snarled as he stormed away in a huff.

"Break his present," a debonair male guest in an Italian suit whispered.

Artie's laughter abruptly turned into a startled yelp when an audacious male guest dared to sneak up behind Artie and pinch his butt!

"Break my balls," the attractive blond man flirted as he winked at the incredulous Santa Claus.

"Santa only fucks reindeers and elves," a familiar voice grumbled as Jim West appeared like an apparition again, scaring the beejeebers out of the cute gay man in the tweed suit. 

"My nickname is Moose," the plucky blond with the Norwegian accent sassed back hopefully.

"I'm the Head Elf," Jim warned the persistent man.

"Lucky Santa," the bold bon vivant replied seductively as he ogled Jim with great appreciation too.

"Go find someone else to stuff your stocking, Chum. Santa and I are busy tonight."

"What about tomorrow night?"

"We're partying with some Amazons. The musicians downstairs are cute. Go ask one of them to blow your horn, Gabriel."

"Well, aren't you Mr. Sassy Pants," the blond teased.

"I'd leave if I were you, Moose. When he starts talking about angels you're about to meet God."

The handsome young man gulped audibly but he was reluctant to take Artie's advice. The challenge in Jim's eyes excited him as much as the sight of West's lean hard body in that tight hunter green toreador suit.

"I don't believe in God." the Scandinavian hunk replied.

"Odin then," Jim growled as he advanced on the strapping young Viking.

Artemus smiled when a worried young man chastised his stubborn friend. 

"Are you crazy? " Sven ranted as he hauled Lars away. "He's Valkyrie spawn. Look at his eyes."

"I know," Lars sighed. "He has Mardol eyes."

Jim had no idea what they were talking about, but Artemus obviously did. The comment made Artemus laugh.

"Did they just insult me, Artie?"

"No," Artemus chuckled. "That was a compliment, Jim. They just called you the progeny of their love goddess." Rotating his thumb under and over West's chin, Artemus turned Jim's face towards him to give the smitten Lars a chance to escape. Smiling at his pugnacious friend, Artemus said, "You do have Mardol eyes."

"What the Hell does that mean?"

"Mardol means 'the beauty of light on water'. It's one of the many names of Freya, the Viking love goddess. Freya keeps the souls of handsome heroes slain in battle as her sex slaves in Norse legends about the Afterlife. Even Odin, the King of the Viking gods can’t prevent Freya from claiming and reanimating her chosen ones in her castle Sessrumnir. Many of the Valkyrie, who are also female soul-stealing death deities, are Freya’s co-conspirators in that carnal endeavor. They often defy the will of Odin and protect soldiers they fall in love with too.”

"Really?" Jim said, flattered by the marveling smile on Artie's face as Gordon studied his face like it was a work of art. "I didn't know you could speak Viking. What language is that? Swedish or Norwegian?"

"Norwegian primarily. All of the Scandinavian countries were inhabited by Vikings at some point in their history, Jim. So were parts of France and Britain."

"I know. The Normans were Viking descendants. There's lots of French-Norman and French-Celtic ancestry in my mother's family tree."

"That could explain a lot about you, my friend. No wonder you're such a warrior."

"It explains why I'm short and petite too," Jim said, sticking his hand into his shirt like Napoleon Bonaparte before he saluted Artie with it.

Artie grimaced as he thought about Napoleon's karma. "You're not short, Jim. But it could explain why you seem to have so many Waterloos and Elbas effecting your karma."

"Shhh!" Jim scolded Artemus impishly. "The Norns will hear you." Jim whispered as he winked at Artie and walked down the stairs again.

"Ignore that, okay?" Jim whispered to the Viking goddesses of Fate. It was almost midnight. The last thing you wanted to do near the witching hour of midnight was give capricious fate goddesses any ideas for new mischief they could create to fuck up your destiny. Jim West was not a superstitious man, but later he would wonder if he should become one. Because what happened next made him wonder if the three women who were flirting with Artie in the upstairs hall were Norns in disguise. 

Urd, Verdandi and Skuld were the Viking fate goddesses who ruled the past, the present and the future. All Viking goddesses were shapechangers and things got very surreal, very quickly as soon the past, the present and the future collided in the middle of Nadine's Christmas party…

 

The grandfather clock in the reception hall chimed twelve times as Jim walked back downstairs. Songs were sung to St. Lucia because it was December 13th. Artie waited ten minutes after the last carol was sung; then he came downstairs shouting "Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!" Artie's robust voice was perfect for impersonating St. Nicholas.

As soon as the crowd saw him in the red velvet suit trimmed with rabbit fur, they began laughing and clapping exuberantly, delighted by the festive surprise Nadine had arranged for them. 

There were nametags on each of the gifts. Artie Claus reached into the sack, called out the name with his clarion voice, and delivered the present into the clamoring hands of whoever responded. A consummate performer, Artie was indefatigable when he was on stage. Nadine's home was his stage now, and Jim enjoyed watching Artemus charm every one of the guests; even the ugly guy with the beady eyes.

Forty-eight people had arrived to enjoy the festivities. Nadine had spent a considerable amount of money buying tokens of appreciation for all of her friends. As they opened the gifts, the story of how she learned about what they liked gradually unfolded as Nadine answered questions and accepted compliments.

She'd hired a shopping consultant to contact the hired help of all her guests. From those discreet inquiries, Nadine's Secret Santa learned what kinds of things the masters and mistresses of all those servants liked. Then she sent her thrifty shopper out to the stores to purchase items each guest would enjoy that were within her budget. None of the edibles or trinkets were particularly expensive but the thoughtfulness behind the gifts was both unexpected and appreciated.

Given the remarks Jim overheard from Nadine's gossipy guests, the crowd was of the collective opinion that 'stingy Nadine' had done this to impress Artemus Gordon the 'newly minted millionaire' she had her sights set on.

Eyes narrowed suspiciously, Jim watched Nadine bask in the adulation her festive generosity created.

The actor you hired slipped and fell on the ice on his way over here, my ass, Jim thought venomously. You planned this from the start you avaricious little bitch. 

Artemus was having fun and Nadine was gloating. Her devious smirk annoyed Jim, but now was not the time to let Nadine or Artie know how much the ulterior motives of her scheming largesse annoyed him.

It took Artie quite a while to distribute all the gifts. Nadine was puffed up like a peacock from all the compliments. Jim was in a surly mood because all he wanted to do was pluck her shrewd feathers. When the last present was unwrapped, Senator Irvington stood up and began a standing ovation for Artie. Then he shouted for the servants to bring, "Champagne for everyone!" 

Senator Irvington's smile never faltered. It surprised Jim that the old miser could feign generous benevolence so convincingly. Senator Irvington would grudgingly pay the bills for Nadine's party, and consider it a sound investment if Nadine’s campaign to captivate Artemus Gordon was successful.

Since the laird of the manor had returned to take charge of the holiday festivities, Senator Irvington raised his glass first to make the toast. "To Santa, my beautiful daughter, and all of our honored guests: I wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!"

Shouts of "Merry Christmas!" and "Happy New Year!" were volleyed back, echoing through the crowd like the mimicry of a room full of tipsy human parrots.

Champagne was not a drink meant to quench your thirst, but Artemus had spent so long talking his throat was parched. He drank half the flute of champagne in one grateful swallow, tipping his glass towards Jim with a mischievous grin on his face. West responded with a sly smile and bobbed his head cordially; acknowledging the love he saw in Artie's eyes with joy and gratitude gleaming in his eyes too.

They were on opposite sides of the room when they began to choke. It began as the sensation of an eerie fog wafting up from their lungs into their esophagus. Then it felt like squids made of a mist wrapped tentacles around their vocal chords and windpipes simultaneously. Some chemical they'd just ingested was strangling them!

All West managed to croak was, "R!" 

Eyes bulging, Artemus tried to shout Jim's name as they frantically rushed towards each other. Artemus made a noise that sounded like a curse. Artie wasn't starting to take the Lord's name in vain when he spoke; he was calling out to his best friend. Jim became nothing more than a distant hazy blur as Artemus crashed to his knees and sprawled face down on the parquet floor.

Jim saw Artie collapse in slow motion. The haze in his brain was spreading fast. He couldn't outrun it! One second he was sprinting towards Artie, determined to catch his partner before he fell; the next moment Jim was crumpling on the floor like a soggy rag doll. His muscles felt like they were dissolving. Then he gradually lost consciousness.

The last thing Jim heard was other bodies choking and collapsing around him. Jim's last thought before everything went black was: The champagne was poisoned! 

West had only taken a sip of champagne, but it was enough to knock him out. The only people who were not affected by the drug were the teetotalers in the group who only pretended to sip the mediocre champagne.

"Abstinence will not make you live longer," a shrill voice mocked. Then gunshots rang out, accompanied by the sounds of terrified shrieking.

The pandemonium didn't last long. Most of the waiters were Dr. Loveless's henchmen. They shot the Irvington's fleeing guests in the back as they tried to escape.

"Not that one!" Loveless shouted, as he cackled with glee. Crawford and Sullivan chased the pretty servant down; tackling her like she was a runaway calf they'd roped with a lariat.

The girl was quite petite and Crawford was a big brute. He subdued her easily and slapped her senseless. Loveless got a raging hard-on watching them drag the terrified girl's body towards him as she sobbed and begged for mercy.

"Please don't kill me!" the chambermaid pleaded.

"I'll do anything I want with you, Ynez."

The girl's big bloodshot eyes got even bigger despite her tears.

"How do…do you know my name?" Ynez asked the demonic looking midget. He had the body of a cherub, but he had the face of a lunatic who'd just escaped from an asylum. Ynez was so terrified, she cringed when he smiled at her.

"I know everything about everyone in this house tonight, Miss Alvarez."

Flicking some tears off her cheek with his pudgy fingers, Loveless sneered, "Have you ever sucked midget cock before? You're going to love it."

"NO!" Ynez shrieked, kicking and fighting to no avail as Loveless scowled and said, "Tie her up and throw her in the wagon too. We'll take her with us."

Waddling over to his favorite nemesis, Loveless kicked Jim West's butt and said, "Turn him over." Tucker and Bradshaw did as they were bidden so Miguelito could feast his eyes on the beautiful sight of James West spawled on the floor unconscious in his Christmas finery.

"My, my, my, don't you look handsome tonight, Mr. West. Is that a new suit? The evergreen color is quite flattering on you," Loveless crooned as he knelt down beside Jim. Gloating because West was unconscious, Loveless took advantage of the opportunity to fondle the oft-coveted cock he longed to suck.

His small hand wasn't big enough to wrap around West's cock even when it was flaccid. It required both of the doctor’s hands to peel the tight pants down over West’s trim hips and the agent’s spectacular ass. The head on West's shoulders was lolling to the right. The head of West's flaccid cock was lolling on Jim's left thigh. 

Stroking the bold length of the West's penis with covetous fingers, Loveless snickered, fondling the agent’s balls with his other hand as he said, "I could take these with me too, Mr. West. It would give me great pleasure to make you a eunuch. But Mr. Gordon would retaliate viciously when he caught up with me if I rendered you impotent forever. He is as relentless as you are. I want to be alive to enjoy the ransom I am certain Artemus will pay for Nadine’s safe return."

Imperious as ever, Loveless ordered, "Grab the Senator's daughter while I write the ransom note.” 

Loveless wrote the words, Pay The Ransom or She Dies on the sole of Nadine’s right shoe, which he deliberately left behind at the crime scene like Cinderella’s lost glass slipper.

Gloating when he returned from leaving a more specific ransom demand in Nadine’s bedroom, Dr. Loveless waddled out of the Irvington's mansion confident that he would get every penny he demanded because Artemus Gordon was an honorable man. He left the front door open behind him and a small snowdrift accumulated in the foyer by the time people started to wake up.

By the time Jim and Artie regained consciousness, Loveless and his henchmen were long gone. Jim knew who the perpetrator was when he recognized the handwriting on the sole of Nadine’s shoe. 

Waking up from a drug-induced stupor to find the fly of his trousers yanked down and his cock exposed infuriated West. Loveless had groped him while he was unconscious. 

There was only one explanation for waking up to find Jim quickly stuffing his manhood into his pants under these bizarre circumstances.  
Loveless had been obsessed with Jim for years. The audacity of their nemesis enraged Artemus.

Frantically crawling towards his partner because he was too dizzy to stand, Artemus silently vowed: I'm going to cut off that fiend’s hands one finger at a time. Then I'm going to castrate the little bastard and throw his balls in the James River. 

“Are you injured?” Artemus whispered. The anxious expression on West’s face worried Gordon.

Jim emphatically shook his head ‘no’, enduring the humiliation with stoic fury. 

“He kidnapped Nadine,” Jim said, pointing at the shoe with the macabre ransom note scrawled on the scuffed sole as they helped each other up, their bodies swaying from the lingering effects of the potent drug.

*******

 

When Senator Irvington’s servants found the ransom demand for a quarter of a million dollars skewered to the upholstered headboard of Nadine's bed with a bloody hunting knife, the senator staggered to a nearby chair and said, "I don't have that kind of money!"

Senator Irvington reacted with genuine distress. Irvington was a proud, vain man with many pretensions but he loved his daughter too much to allow shame of his own shortcomings to render him mute with contrition. 

"Is there any way you could loan me that money, Artemus? I don't know how or when I could pay you back, but I will find a way to do it if I have to sell everything I own and live in a hovel. Who would do such a horrendous thing?" Irvington rambled. The kidnapper's ability to infiltrate his home using conspirators who had arrived with the catering company terrified the old man into a state of almost-insensible shock.

The shock intensified to killing force when Jim and Artie discovered that Nadine's oldest brother Ron had masterminded his own sister's kidnapping. Proving it took only a few days. Ronald Irvington was in debt up to his eyeballs. The bank was about to foreclose on his house and the textile mill he owned, because he had not made mortgage payments on either property despite several grace periods.

*****

Nadine didn't know anything about her brother's betrayal until Dr. Loveless bragged about it. As soon her insane captor said, "You ARE a pretty parasite," Nadine knew that his claims that her brother was somehow involved were true. Because every time her brother rebuked his wife and daughters about their spending habits Ron called them "pretty parasites" who "drained (his) wallet like leeches."

The shock of finding out that she and Ynez were being held captive by a madman because her brother needed the ransom to pay off his gambling debts numbed Nadine to the core of her soul. Ron couldn't have wounded her more if he had gutted her like a fish.

Ron was there in the dungeon waiting for them when Dr. Loveless and his henchmen took them to his luxurious hideout. Loveless prided himself on being a civilized fiend. When Ron sternly reminded Loveless that he would not allow the doctor to abuse them in any way, Loveless told Ron Irvington, “The decadent depravity of rape and killing women is nothing compared to what I am capable of, Mr. Irvington. When I get the urge to kill, I figure out ways of killing thousands of people. Nothing less would satisfy my bloodlust."

Nadine soon learned that Loveless had agreed to help Ron obtain the money he needed to pay off the Chinese and Italian crime lords he owed vast sums of money to. Ron didn't drink or womanize, but he could not stay out of gambling parlors or opium dens. He needed over one hundred thousand dollars to pay off his debts or the thugs that worked for the crime lords would commit unspeakable atrocities upon his person. Threats had been made to maim and disfigure his wife and daughters too if he did not pay them every cent he owed them by a specific date. 

Nadine was horrified to learn that Garrett St. Claire had not been hideously disfigured by a random lunatic who threw acid in his face while he was walking down a street in Boston; Gary lost an eye and ended up with a face full of grotesquely curdled flesh because he owed these same people half of what Ron owed them. Their mutual friend had been mercilessly attacked to coerce him to pay his debts or suffer a worse fate at the hands of those brutes.

Neither Nadine nor Ynez wanted to see the same fate happen to Ron, his wife, or their children; but helping Loveless plot their kidnapping was an unforgivable transgression of the heart.

"Ronnie, why didn't you just ask Artemus to loan you the money? I'm sure he would have."

Ronald Irvington's derisive snort was as contemptuous as the midget doctor's maniacal laughter. 

"Artemus Gordon is a lawman, Nadine. He can't go around loaning money to drug-crazed gamblers. He'd be committing career suicide if anyone found out he did something like that. Get your head out of your cunt. Your twat isn't worth a risk like that. He's taking enough of a risk as it is every time he beds you, given the kind of riff-raff some of your other bed partners associate with. I'm surprised the lot of you aren't dying of syphilis."

Nadine did not realize how much her brother hated her until he said, "God, what a brainless twit you are. How did you attract a man with that much intellect?"

"Bountiful breasts and a pretty face can dazzle even the most discriminating man," Loveless salaciously philosophized. 

"Tell me about it," Ron Irvington groaned bitterly. "I made the same mistake when I married Helen. If it weren't for her and my other pretty parasites I wouldn't be in this mess. I'd have plenty of cash left to pay off my debts."

"Don't blame Helen and the girls for your lack of restraint, Ron. You've never known when to quit while you were ahead, and you've always been a poor loser who blames everyone else for your failings. But this is the most despicable thing you have ever done!"

"Don’t bet on it, Little Sister. You'd lose," Ron Irvington snarled between clenched teeth.

The venomous way he glared at Nadine when he looked at them huddled in the doctor’s holding cell frightened Ynez. "Hush, Miss Nadine. Don't antagonize him."

The contempt in Ron Irvington's eyes alarmed Ynez. Ynez was suddenly more afraid of Mr. Ron than she was of Dr. Loveless. They were both malicious in different and terrifying ways.

"What do you get out of this?" Nadine had to know. Her question was directed at Dr. Loveless, who watched everything with those eerie blue eyes.

"The pleasure of knowing I stole a half a million dollars from one of my worst enemies to fund my next endeavor. The irony of that was just too delicious to ignore. I HAD to do this to you, my dear. The temptation was irresistible. It’s nothing personal. You are but a pawn in my little end game. And I am just the opportunist who came to your brother's rescue when he was rooked."

Laughing at his own joke, Loveless admitted, "Machiavelli was one of my heroes."

"He was the philosopher who said: the end justifies the means, wasn't he?" Nadine said dispiritedly.

"Yes. But I doubt he was the first person who said that, nor will he be the last," Loveless gloated.

*****

Artemus paid the ransom, but a detonator inside the valise was rigged to go off as soon as Loveless opened the latch. Loveless heard a hissing sound and recoiled yelling, "SNAKE!" By the time he realized the snake inside the valise was a fake, it was too late. The odorless, colorless gas emitted by Artie's contraption had done its job. Loveless and his henchmen collapsed in a tangled heap as they frantically ran towards a hidden exit. Overcome by the effects of the gas, every captive and accomplice was unconscious by the time Jim and Artie entered the room wearing the gas masks Artie had created during one of their early missions. Those masks had saved their lives more than once.

Nadine never recovered from the traumatic disillusionment Ron's betrayal caused. Her father paid Ynez off and she disappeared to parts unknown before the trial. Senator Irvington tried to convince his daughter not to press charges, hoping to avert a scandal. Nadine refused. She testified against her brother, answering questions with zombie-like resignation because she refused to obstruct justice or commit perjury. 

In the end, the jury had no sympathy for Ronald Irvington. He was convicted of kidnapping and extortion and sentenced to 20 years to life in prison. His failing health shattered by the turmoil of the pubic disgrace Senator Irvington decided to not to run for reelection. Dr. Loveless was tried for being an accessory to kidnapping and extortion but he was released when his trial ended up as a hung jury. They could not reach the required consensus to either convict or acquit, so the judge had no choice but to let Loveless go. 

Double jeopardy prevented Loveless from being tried on the same offense twice. So he walked away scot-free because enough jurors had been bribed to say that they believed the outlandish tale Loveless told under oath about being threatened by Chinese hoodlums too. According to Loveless, Chinese crime lords threatened to kill him unless he convinced Ron Irvington to go along with the scheme to kidnap Nadine and hold her for ransom. A scheme Loveless claimed was really masterminded by a Chinese criminal named Chun Liu. Loveless claimed to be a gambler too. So Liu's scheme "would kill two birds with one stone and pay off the debts of two gambler's if we had been successful."

"This is not justice. This is a travesty of justice. Again!" Artemus fumed when they received a telegram about the verdict when the Loveless trial ended. Other agents tried to shadow Loveless for a while after he was released, but he eluded them and disappeared.

"We haven't seen the last of that maniac, Jim."

"I'm sure we haven't," West murmured.

Loveless shadowed them like an evil spirit; always hovering on the periphery of their lives circling like a buzzard seeking carrion.

*****

The next time they were in Washington, Artemus found Nadine packing to move overseas. Their last conversation was wistful and melancholy. Ron's betrayal had wreaked havoc on Nadine's soul. Introspection was unavoidable after such an incident. When the trial was over and Ron was sentenced, Nadine decided to move to Portugal and start a new life with a rich suitor who'd asked her to be his mistress. Tired of being withdrawn and disheartened, Nadine jumped at the chance to forge a new identity in a foreign land far away from the regrets of Virginia.

Their farewell was as chaste as it was brief. Her arms wrapped around Gordon's waist in a lingering hug, Nadine apologized earnestly for the transgressions of the heart she had committed while in the throes of greed herself.

"The depths of Ronnie's greed, and his dearth of conscience, made me realize that the roots of duplicity runs deeper than I realized in my own soul, Artemus. You are a sweet, alluring man and you are an incredible lover; but I don't love you and I never have."

"I know that," Artemus murmured, absolving her with a kiss.

"You do?"

"I was just someone you flirted with before I started making money like rain. I get more attention than Jim does now," Artemus chuckled.

"You do realize that that is not really funny, don't you?"

"Irony is always amusing, Nadine."

"Irony is one of those philosophical concepts I have never understood," Nadine admitted.

"And I’ve always had a warped sense of humor," Artemus murmured amiably.

"You are always so gracious," Nadine marveled; her voice wistful again as she gave him a melancholy smile. "It's one of a many things I will miss about you, Artemus. I don't think you have a warped sense of humor. You're just self-deprecating because you're modest."

"I'm crazy enough to believe that humility is a virtue."

"I don't know if it is or if its not, but you make it seem charming."

"Virginia won't be the same without you, Nadine."

"Virginia will survive. You make sure you do the same now, you hear?" 

"I will," Artemus promised.

They kissed one last time before Nadine departed. Artemus doubted that he would ever see Nadine again.

The End


End file.
